Unconditional love, or not really?

The idea of unconditional love is...interesting...

First of all, let's start with some questions because I have a lot to say regarding this particular issue (let´s say challenge).

Why do we like love?
Why do we crave unconditional love?
Who decided that that unconditional love was what we wanted, biologically we are not meant to be monogamous are we?
And finally...
Do you really want unconditional love?

Do we really want love or have we just been programmed by Disney to believe that we are all Princesses lost in our search for our Prince so that we feel like we need something more to find our 'Mr Right'? (But this is a whole other rant about consumerism for another time...).

Of all the ways you can show that you love someone, from materialistic to emotional support, why is it that we want the display of unconditional love above all else? Who took the hardest part of love and put it on a pedestal that we all now have to aim towards and feel horrible when we can't get there. We may blame the other person at that point, (who would want to take responsibility for not being able to be selfless for someone?), and therefore use excuses like 'He wasn't the one'. But there is one major flaw with the idea of unconditional love...

Unconditional love is so difficult to give because it means doing something completely selfless, which sounds simple enough but you would be surprised how selfish humans are. Essentially, it is embedded in our very nature to put ourselves first because had we not been selfish, we would not have evolved to the state we are now. (That's Darwin's theory of Evolution summed up in a sentence for you. Yes, that´s right; I am hitting you up with some science knowledge.)



The "problem" with a selfless act is that you can't even do it to make the another person happy because their happiness makes you happy and therefore can be seen as selfless... Do you see my fundamental challenge with the idea of unconditional love? But let's break it down into some more simple actions that make it seem easier to achieve...

People love to hear compliments! Unconditional love does not mean making up compliments so that the other person feels good but there is ALWAYS something nice to say about everyone if you look hard enough, you will find their best qualities; compliment these because they will make that person more confident and happy,and you care about that person's happiness, right?

Just caring for the happiness of someone else sounds like something accomplishable but, what if that meant without you? What if loving someone unconditionally meant you had to let them go? Because sometimes circumstances dictate that you have to - maybe they are taking a better job, in another country which means you’d have to put your selfish needs behind you and just let them go. Could you do that?

Is it even right for someone to expect you to do that for them? Is unconditional love just something everyone is lying about or is it actually achievable? I guess it's down to each individual; you have to be willing to give up a lot of yourself for someone else.

In summary, love is beautiful. But so hard.


Hello guys, 

Nerea here! That was a video article from my colleague, Jo, which I thought was awesome, as usual!

These are things we need to remind ourselves of, again and again, I say. We need to love unconditionally! Is there any other way to do it, obviously yes but love is selfish. At the end of the day, we love because we like it, not because the other person like it, right? So how the "hell", (this is something I have learnt in England, not sure if its a swearword), have we learnt to love expecting something back? I think I know the answer! I saw something interesting the other day which gave me a clue – a father saying to his daughter "Let me give you a kiss, you did very well!" 

So, she basically got a kiss because she did well in something, shit! There you are! Exchanging "right" behavior for love! I am sure, (kind of), that education has a big part in this because when do we get a kiss for doing nothing? When do we get a hug for no reason? when do we get love for nothing? 

Of course I am exaggerating a bit, as this does not happen in all cases, but there is a majority of people that receives this education – that they get affection only when they "deserve" it. Just a quick point here – when people feel bad or are badly behaved, one of the best solutions is giving them love and I am not only saying this because I know everything but because they are probably trying to call your attention! 

The good news is, is the fact that we have learnt something means we can unlearn it! YAY! Let´s do it, Love, love, love as much as you want, but please do not expect an extra reward back other than the pleasure of doing it! This is beautiful, I am telling you, it is beautiful.

If you ever feel someone does not love you enough, check yourself out, check if you are ok, if you are happy with yourself and carefree because if not, then there’s your answer – when you love enough, you have it all.

The dark side, (well yes, there is one), and in this case probably the most painful one you can ever experience (emotionally wise), Love is so beautiful that not being able to give it is such pitiful shame, not to mention, a misery. Is fuck*ing painful! Shit, I’m swearing, Oops again! Can you feel my pain? This is not good! Seriously! Is PAINFUUUULLLLL!!! but ok, let´s breath, relax, calm down and love ourselves so we can replace the love that wasn’t/hasn’t been given.

As usual, my head won’t stop bringing new ideas to this topic, so I could keep going and going and going with new concepts and ways to experience love, in case you don´t have a partner to do it; but I have heard that less is more, so let´s leave this as it is!

The pleasure of love should be giving it, not receiving it! Of course is nice to feel cared and loved, but if you don´t love, the emotions are not even half strong as they would be if you did.

Thank you for reading!

Comments below.

Nerea